Over and Over Again

A repeating cycle that will never end. I don’t mean to break their hearts, and sometimes I think it hurts me to do it more than it has ever hurt them. I should feel love but my heart just feels empty. A fake smile, a fake laugh, and an even faker “I love you too”. I don’t mean it, and I don’t know if I ever really have. I keep telling myself that I’ll change. That I can be a better person, that I can make people happy . But the truth is, I am a devil in disguise. An evil covered in Clinique and cheap lipstick. But they all think that they know me. And maybe that’s why they don’t understand that when I cry rivers I am not crying because I feel, I am crying because I cannot. I am not a good person. And my love is as temporary as the drugs. I am Completely numb. And at night I lie awake wondering what it was. When did the crack in me completely shatter, and will I ever be put back together?